Last week I spoke at Bible study on the sufficiency of God. I talked about how we (more appropriately, "I") can believe that God is sufficient to carry us through one chapter in our life, but then the game changes and there is another "opportunity" to believe that God will be sufficient again. I feel like I have been challenged in this area over and over. Who hasn't? I had to believe that God was sufficient if we didn't get Negusu, (which we didn't and He was). That God was sufficient when Macie came home, then when Dave died, then when I had physical pain, then when I had back surgery, and now as we are trying to blend our families.
I talked about how God was the inheritance of the Levites. Not land . . . not food . . . not money . . . not anything tangible. God was their inheritance. I wondered how the Levites felt about that. Were they excited about God as their inheritance? Were they worried about not having a big huge lot of land to work and to pass down? What was their take when everyone else got a tangible inheritance and they got God??????????????????
I have literally said out loud, "I know God is sufficient, but I just don't have the energy to rely on him anymore." That is not where I am right now, thankfully, but I've been there. I want something, other than God, ALL - OF - THE - TIME. Or more accurately, I want something AND God!!!!! But am I willing to exchange that something for God. A pain free life? A perfect family? Free from disease? Exempt from sorrow? Is it possible to have "something" and God? Probably, right? But not a guarantee? And then again, maybe not? I hope so??????
Anyway, I'm sure that all sounds pretty heavy. But in my talk, I outline these verses, which I love and tell of the life that is possible on earth. Right here. I Peter 1:3-5 "What a God we have! And how fortunate we are to have him, this Father of our Master Jesus! Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we've been given a brand-new life and have everything to live for, including a future in heaven-and the future starts now! God is keeping careful watch over us and the future. The Day is coming when you'll have it all-life healed and whole." I've quoted that verse before, but I think it is worth quoting again.
If you want to hear my talk about these things, you can listen to it here.
Such keen observation here about the tendency of our souls to wander, to thirst for empty things, to be distracted by the shiny, dangly nothingness all around us. Made me think of this quote from Anne Lamott:
"My coming to faith did not start with a leap but rather a series of staggers from what seemed like one safe place to another. Like lily pads, round and green, these places summoned and then held me up while I grew. Each prepared me for the next leaf on which I would land, and in this way I moved across the swamp of doubt and fear."
I feel like I stagger much of the time and the landscape so often looks more like a swamp in my faith journey than a well-manicured landscape. Thanks for being truthful but also holding up the Truth of this brand-new life we get to navigate.
Oh the irony that we KNOW in our heads that God is "sufficient" and able to give us "abundantly more than we could ask or imagine" BUT we just don't want to really give Him our hearts to see if He REALLY IS THAT GOOD. What if He isn't? What if He lets us down this time?? We are so tired and run down that it just feels like "one more thing" to have to give God our junk when, in fact, if we can truly die to ourselves and release the tension that holds us captive, we will indeed receive God!! Not just parts and pieces, but ALL! Thank you for this reminder today. I am constantly needing to reset my wandering head and heart so I can be in a place to see if what I believe is true. And I have lived long enough to know that it actually is!! His presence may not come packaged in the way I think it should, but honestly it is just plain better. And I am thankful for good friends who point me towards Him when I might be tempted to run the other way.